What Things Will Be Like When I Rule the World

by EricMcg, age 16

• All citizens will have to appear before my throne and sing me a song. Anybody that sings a crappy song or just sings crappy will be forced to fight to the death in the arena like in "Gladiator", which is the best movie ever. Anyone that wins 5 fights in a row can go free.



• There will be a new HBO channel "HBOG", which will show "Gladiator" 24 hours a day. There will also be "HBOP" which will show "The Patriot", which is the second best movie ever.
  
  
• My sisters, Buttmunch and Pinhead, will be forced to wear catnip suits and fight tigers in the arena, using only barbie dolls to defend themselves.
  
  
• Fishing will be mandatory for everyone; all bass over 8 pounds that are caught will be kept alive and put in my private bass fishing pond. All pro bass fisherman on ESPN will have to catch at least one 10 pound bass a week or they will have to fight in the arena with the crappy singers.
  
  
• My little brother, Monkeyboy, will have to write "I will listen to the teacher" 500 times everyday after school. Then he will have to go live with the other monkeys at the zoo and fling poop at zoo people.
  
  
• MTV will be called ETV and will only play the videos that I like. The Backstreet Boys and N'Sync will be forced to fight each other in the gladiator arena in a pay per view special.
  
  
• No cars will be allowed on the road on Sunday, and all traffic lights will be green all day so I can drive my Lamborghini Diablo all over town.
  
  
• 6 NFL players of my choice will be allowed to play for my high school football team so maybe we can win more than 1 game next year. Every other play will be a pass play from Dante Culpepper to me.
  
  
• Any neighbor that complains about me playing my guitar too loud will be forced to become my personal roadie and  spend the rest of their life following me around with a Crate digital amplifier strapped on their back. The big one with the 2 twelve inch speakers.
  
  
• My dad will stop bugging me to write down stuff for his stupid website. He will also be forced to watch "Braveheart" with Mel Gibson over and over until he admits that it's the third best movie ever.